When You Don’t Feel Like It

when you don't feel like itToday was Track Tuesday and I. Did. Not. Want. To. Do. It. Even as I laid out my clothes last night, and charged my fancy watch and searched for my headphones and wished for a new episode of my favorite podcast, and set my eleventy hundred alarms, and drank my gallons of water I had little interest in getting up, getting dressed and running laps in the dark by myself.

I do not want to pray even as I deepen my breath and bend my attitude and swallow my pride and think the hard thoughts that hurt and that bring worry and that have no answers and even as I repeat the phrases full of either rote nothing or layers of context and breadth of meaning, and as I bow and submit and ease into the fullness.

I do not want to write, even as I plan the first sentence and figure the plot and wend the way through stupid helpful grammar and even as I hunt down the phrase that says the thing I mean to say when I am afraid, oh so afraid of saying it, and while I humble myself to the page.

Do it. Do the thing you are afraid to do, the thing that is hard. Do the thing you don’t feel like doing. Because then you have done the thing. Carry your head like a queen, shoulders winged back in victory, spine taut with pride, body wasted with effort and elation for having done the thing. When you do the thing you don’t want to do, you have won.

Do it. Do the thing you don’t feel like doing.