Anonymous Fear 2


I’ve been thinking about this topic for weeks now. Jennifer first brought it up and told me it was okay to share. I still don’t want to, but I want to.

I am afraid of having friends.

I am afraid that people don’t really like me. I am afraid that I fall too quickly into friendships with people and let myself get wrapped up and around in the giggles and the commonality of a moment. I am afraid the friendship people show me is fake, and just a way to get me to open up so they can make fun of me.

I am afraid when I meet new people that I will like them more than they like me. I’m afraid that once they know who I am, once they know my history, they will not want to be part of my life anymore, that they will think I am silly and stupid and not worth their time.

I am afraid in new relationships that I will cling too much and scare people away. I am afraid in weathered relationships that I don’t cling enough and push people away. I am afraid that the relationships I hold most dear are just facades and no one really wants to be around me anyway.

I am afraid that existing friendships I have are not strong enough to weather differences of opinion. I am afraid that I am not strong enough to see some disagreements as differences of opinion and instead pin to those all the worthiness of friends. I am afraid that my boundaries and deal-breakers are too strict.

I am afraid that I am not as open-minded and friendly as I want to be. I am afraid to be more open-minded and friendly because people aren’t really friends to me anyway. They just want me to open up so they can make fun of me and make me cry.

I am afraid that a new friend will like me more than I like her. I am afraid that my annoyance with some of her habits is mean, and that it makes me unworthy of her. I am afraid I will roll my eyes and hurt her feelings without meaning to.

I am 37 years old and I am afraid of having friends.

Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

2 thoughts on “Anonymous Fear

  • Marie at the Lazy W

    I share some of these fears you have so beautifully detailed, and they used to keep me from attempting new friendships. I have learned to ignore these fears and instead given myself fully to a new friendship, and I have been rewarded. And hurt deeply. Then rewarded again. Overall, far more rewarded than hurt. Because that is the magic element of life. I wish for your heart all the looseness and light it needs to give and accept all the friendship you crave. Ups and downs, bumps and glowing moments alike. xoxo For a long, long time.

  • BrockWebster

    I willbr your friend. You are the kinda friend I want. Loving, caring and seeing people for who they are. The world needs more like you.
    Just love people!!!!!! Thank you for sharing. Hugs from Knoxville, TN.